Dementia at Fifty!

First, Happy Mother’s Day to all you mom’s out there just trying to make it. I know you get it when I say simple trips to Walmart aren’t so simple these days. I’m not bringing along a small child, like you would think though. Larry and I learned something new last week, we had a few minutes before his cardio appointment and I needed to pick up some Band-Aids, what could it hurt. He ran in with me and had to use the restroom, I pointed him to the front middle of the store and I went right to the pharmacy. He was going to meet me there. Thirty minutes later after searching the store and having him paged I found him wondering around. Damn dementia, thanks. . . We’re learning some days he is directionally challenged. A left into the restroom doesn’t mean a left coming out, you know what I mean?! All of the stalls confused him, he thought each lead to the exit, until he finally followed another gentleman out, but then walked the store, the parking lot and back to the store trying to find me. Lesson number 9237 ~ never leave his side IF we make a trip to a big store again!

Feeling sorry for oneself has to be one of the worst feelings sometimes. I feel sorry for myself, quite a bit actually, I’m not going to lie. I absolutely hate it though! God reminds me of what I should be grateful for through Larry a lot these days, to shake the feeling away. A few days ago, Larry asked me to get him two (2) different colored hoodies, he wants to cut the sleeves off and swap them around so he can put his hoodie on without help. . . and I was feeling bad for myself! I hear you God, loud and clear!

I jumped on Amazon, because you can find pretty much anything on there and I found the ugliest multicolored hoodie for him. It arrived today, and he’s so excited that he won’t have to ask me 1, 2, 3, sometimes 6 times a day for help putting his hoodie on because he came up with an idea and I was able to make it happen. So, if you happen to see him wearing it, please don’t make fun, he was probably able to put it on by himself and that helps me a lot!

He knows green is right and left is blue, it’ll help him be able to dress himself when he gets cold and let me tell you he gets cold when it’s 78 degrees in this house! If you didn’t know, Larry hasn’t given up on dressing himself, but everything he puts on goes on backwards; shirts, underwear/pants, socks and shoes. On one hand this breaks my heart, but more importantly it makes him confident. He needs that right now; can you imagine how exhausting it must be for him to repeatedly try and fail to dress himself. So, yes I hear you God and I am grateful for this ugly hoodie today, it’s the little things, right?

It takes a lot of patience when you are a caregiver and it sure helps to keep all things organized. If you know me personally, you know I am not an organized person, but I try, gosh do I ever! I have a calendar book that goes almost everywhere with me, when I don’t bring it I wish I would have. Things slip through the cracks if I don’t have it. This is May 2024 and I am playing catch up with my personal health along with all of Larry’s needs. I’m waiting to hear back from a couple of doctors so some of those empty blocks will fill up soon, they always do.

We were on the way to the hospital today (it wasn’t on the books either) for some lab work and Larry asked where we were going. This was probably the 4th or 5th time he asked what was on the agenda this morning, so I snapped back and was a little loud with my response. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “You know I have dementia, right?” I busted out laughing because his response back was a shock, but quickly was reminded he does have it. Larry was simply stating a fact, not making a joke. Some days it’s so hard to see my man in there, other days it’s like he never left.

Our angel neighbor stopped by this afternoon to check on us, he was sitting on the couch and I was in my office working ~ working my job that pays our bills, puts food on the table, etc. and he yells for me to get the door. This isn’t because he is being lazy, but it’s like the whole “don’t talk to strangers” kind of thing. He can’t see that it’s a friendly face so it’s safer if I get the door. I’m learning new things as each day passes.

Mother’s Day was Sunday, the 12th. I miss my momma, I miss how she would say “Hey, my baby”, she spoke to me and my sister like that. We were her babies no matter our ages. I miss that, I have a few voicemails I listen to every now and again, just to hear her voice. It’s earth shattering some days, but some days it’s such a comfort to hear her voice. When she died, I was so angry with her and her lifestyle and all the time we never got to share together, like Mother’s Day, but as time has moved on it’s crazy how the things that made me so angry with her do not mean anything now, I wish I would have known then.

So, in closing today sending a big shout out to my 2nd mom! She’s been there through a lot, put up with a lot and is still the mom I can count on as an adult. I love and appreciate her and wish her a wonderful Mother’s Day, thank you maw-maw!