Dementia at Fifty!

We’ve been cruising along adjusting to whatever has been thrown at us since the end of February. I’ve installed Ring cameras inside the house to check in or he can press a button and call me anytime I need to be in my office for work. However, one morning I checked in and seen him lying on the floor in the living room. He couldn’t hear me, and I didn’t see him moving, I was scared to call out to him for fear he wouldn’t answer, and I was working 1.5 hours away. Finally, after a few moments he stirred, so I spoke and told him help was on the way. We have a neighbor that is simply an angel to us. She and Larry have become really great friends. He trusts her and she is so kind and patient with him, more so than I am these days unfortunately. She dropped what she was doing and came straight over while I was on the phone with her. I called emergency services; they came and helped him up and she stayed with him until I got home. His knees and elbows had carpet burn from trying time and time again for about 3.5 hours to get up, but he was so tried he couldn’t.

That happened March 13th, so far (knock on wood), that fall has been his last fall to date. He is getting stronger; he’s wanting to walk and exercise. He couldn’t open a bottle of water by himself for the longest time and now he can because he uses his hand crunchers, he’s lifting 5-pound dumbbells and gaining strength in his arms and we’re walking 3, 4 sometimes 5 days a week and he’s maintaining his weight. When all of this began December 2022, he weighed 238 pounds, he’s down to 187 now and I’ve lost quite a bit too! We are enjoying walking the riverfront where we live, its beautiful and peaceful, there are many benches along our route so he can stop and rest a moment. I am so very proud of him for trying so hard, it’s paying off.

Larry’s neurologist is impressed with him as well; our last two visits showed so much cognitive improvement that I could tell the doctor was excited. Sundowning still remains to be a thorn in my side, but with the other improvements I think we can handle it.

I was able to take a quick, much needed trip down to Key West with 4 of my very best friends at the beginning of April. The trip took nothing to plan, but the effort to make this work for Larry while I was gone was like tuning the most pristine engine. It required help from a lot of different folks and I am so very thankful for them. He can’t stay alone overnight, but it worked out that my angel with no wings, next door was able to stay a couple of nights and Larry’s son brought 3 of the teen grands down for the weekend and they kept him company too. He had a good time, the grands had fun and I think my angel did too. I was able to clear my brain for a few days, get some sun, dance the nights away, eat delicious food and laugh until my belly hurt all day, every day while I was gone. I didn’t realize how much I needed that time. Thank you, Erica, you took such good care of your papa while I was gone, we are blessed to have you around kiddo!

I’ve been back a couple of weeks now, things have continued to run smoothly, until yesterday, out of the blue. Larry wants a D. I. V. O. R. C. E.

I’m not sure where this is coming from, it’s broken my heart in more ways than one. He says he doesn’t trust me, hasn’t trusted me in years, he said mean, hateful things to me that have burned deep down. It makes me so sad and his reasoning for wanting this is so bizarre. I’m playing the game with him just to see how far he will take it. He has given demands as though it’s a hostage situation; a) an allowance of $200/week, b) a brand-new truck with a GPS so he doesn’t get lost, c) he wants to keep our place and I should move out, and d) he wants the golf cart, because he loves riding looking at nature. I haven’t put together my counteroffer yet, but I did have dinner with some creek friends last night and when I came home, he acted like his normal fun-loving self.

So, this is how dementia works, go away you bastard! I feel broken down, like a mentally abused spouse, but the thing is I can’t tell if Larry realizes it or not and I certainly do not want to bring it up to have the flame get bigger. I’m going to sit back and watch what happens and pray this flame burns out and dementia hides a little longer. I’ve enjoyed having my husband around the last few weeks, I’m not ready for the ugliness that comes with this disease.